I’m going to break it down and simplify some important lessons I’ve learned in just over a quarter of a century. Some things you learn by doing, the hard way, or one day you just wake up and have an epiphany.
– Planting raisins won’t grow raisins. Age 8
– You can always come running home to Mum. Age 19
– Leonardo di Caprio will not come to your house on a chance meeting and ask you out on a date. Age 15
– You do actually have some of the same qualities as your parents. Age 27
– There’s nothing like a home-cooked meal. Age 18
– You don’t appreciate what you’ve got, until it’s gone. Age 23
– Going to the toilet straight after dinner, will not get you out of doing the dishes. Age 12
– Sitting close to the heater so your forehead can heat up, will not pass as a high temperature to get out of going to school. Age 7
– Mothers have an uncanny sense of knowing everything that is going on. Age 28
– Lying means you don’t get to watch Alf. And you LOVE Alf. Age 6
– Being crafty and doing early April Fool’s Day pranks, is going to take you to the highest Karmic gods and severely bite you in the ass. Age 18
– There’s no ‘get fit quick’ scheme. It’s about getting off your arse and eating properly. Age 26
– Life is not a box of roses. Age 13
– Dad cannot turn 21, every year. Age 11
– Grass tastes gross. Age 4
– Rolling up some hay in paper and trying to smoke it is not a good idea. Age 12
– Wearing a skivvy for a week while it’s not cold, will not disguise the biggest hickey in the world. Age 15
– In fact, toothpaste does not get rid of hickeys. Age 15
– You are nowhere near as fat as you thought you were, in high school. Age 22
– Life is way too short, so make the most of it. Age 28
– Drinking too much alcohol can result in undesirable behaviour and flashbacks two days later. Still learning.
So now you know, and now I can go forth and learn some more amazing stuff in the next 25 years.