Chick flicks and rom coms are full of romance-infused moments enough to make the toughest femme secretly go weak at the knees. They fill our heads with hopes, dreams and unrealistic expectations. So, it makes me wonder if romantic movie moments actually happen.
I’m going to be honest, I’ve watched jack all in this cinematic genre. I never bought into the girlie B.S. But I do know that there are some movies that have famous scenes that every girl seems to know about.
So let’s start with the basics. Teenage boy gets together with teenage girl. They kiss with the passion of experience, without ramming their novice tongues into the back of each others’ throats. They decide to take it further. The girl is smiling, the guy appears to last longer than 30 seconds, there is no awkwardness, they both orgasm, and afterwards they lovingly gaze into each other’s eyes like they’re going to spend the rest of their lives together. We all know that this is a false and unfair set-up for virginal girls.
A few moments come to mind when I think of classic romanticism in movies…
– The pin-up against the door. Man gains superhuman strength and manages to lift woman up and prop her against the door. Are these animalistic instincts? Like a bear pinning its dinner up against a tree trunk.
– The long kiss in the pouring rain. Apparently time has stood still and we have become so overwhelmed by feelings that we forget that it’s pissing down and will probably catch a cold. It’s a private party wet t-shirt competition.
– A kiss that makes your leg flick. Ever had a reflex inducing kiss in a cute dress and heels… Yep, me neither. When you’re kissing, the last thing you want to do is start some gammy leg spasm.
– The office quickie, in the office. Up against the door, on the photocopier, on the desk that has been swiftly wiped clean. You leave with a souvenir copy of your ass and walk out of the room adjusting your shirt. Who does that?
– The L-shaped sheet. Ever noticed that all movie bed scenes have an L-shaped sheet? Female gets chest coverage and lies next to abs with no coverage. Where do you buy an L-shaped sheet?
– The outdoor romp in a picturesque setting. It happens without sticks in backs, mosquitoes feasting, bees stinging, sand up cracks, or uneven ground rendering you in need of an emergency chiropractor.
– Perfect make-up the morning after. I would love to wake up with my face and hair looking fabulous, one can only dream. And we cannot forget that passionate morning kiss first thing… Seriously, does no-one get morning breath in movies? Especially after a severe amount of drinking the night before. I have woken up with my tongue actually stuck to the roof of my mouth. Not attractive at all.
– The perfect and passionate shower scene. I don’t know about you, but being propped up against the wet, soapy wall screams injury to me. I reckon it’s safer to be doing it on a mat of banana skins.
– Meeting in a public place. Perfect timing, out in the open, previous cheating/baggage has quickly been forgiven. It may come accompanied with a slow motion run up, or pick up and spin kiss, and be on the ever romantic middle of a bridge or in a park full of flowers in bloom.
– Catching someone just in time as they are about to board a plane. I would like to know where these magical airports are with quick ticket buying facilities are, short queues, immigration with ease, and only a short distance to get to the boarding gate of your plane.
So there you have it, dripping with cynicism. We all know that these moments will never become a reality. It makes me wonder what guys find romantic in movies, apart from naked scenes and two chicks kissing. And do their romantic movie moments ever really happen?