Laughter like smiling is a universal language. It doesn’t matter what tongue you speak, you can still share a smile or a good giggle without knowing how to express yourselves to each other through common words.
I like to laugh, and I have been doing a lot of it lately. So I guess I could call myself a har-de-har connoisseur. Come to think of it, I have been indulging in some obscene amounts of laughter lately. I just go into the zone and take it one step further, and I know who my targets are that I drag down with me.
Some people cannot recall the last time they laughed so much that their mouth hurt, tears pricked, pants were on the verge of becoming wet, and abdominal muscles were rediscovered. Mine was at lunch today. I feel sorry for the people that don’t.
My laughing box is quite unique. It ranges from Mutley to guttural and loud and I cannot predict which one is going to pop out when. You could say that my laughter has its own multiple personality disorder.
Here are some giggles that I have met:
The laugh with no sound – You are in such a state that you cannot breathe, speak, look, or extract any form of noise. You might as well be a mime. You are truly in the realm, and I love it when this happens.
Mouth open right up laugh – My most frequent and probably most hideous, but I really don’t care. My head flips right back like a trout whipping about in the water, and then everyone gets a viewing of my molars. They probably don’t want to see my molars, nor do they really want to hear my loudest and proudest guffaw resonating around a busy restaurant. Ah well.
Tear inducing laughter – It has become such an effort and so emotional that your tear ducts slip out a couple of sneaky drops that take with it mascara to make you look like that guy from A Clockwork Orange.
The knee slapper – You only think it exists entirely as a phrase to denote an earthquake inducing cackle until you realise that you are actually in that state and performing a good old slap of the knee.
You know it’s going to be funny laugh – You’ve seen the movie/ TV show/ YouTube clip, thought it was hilarious and are sharing it with some friends. The problem is that when you know the funny bit is about to happen, you start shaking and smiling. It’s ok, until the new crowd does not find it anywhere near as comical as you do.
Stomach hurts laugh – Don’t you love it when you can laugh and get an ab workout more effective than using the 90’s infomercial Abdominizer.
Snorting laughter – You’ve reached a level where the ‘snort’ rears its head. This of course results in more raucous hysterics and potentially more snorts. It’s a snort-laugh cycle, until everybody involved becomes breathless.
Rolling on the floor laugh, or ROFL (if you are 15) – The laugh takes over your whole body as you become a possessed demon and drop to your knees, succumbing to the power and magic that is laughter in its finest form.
In a state of laughter that anything becomes funny – You are paralysed by the taser emission of doubling over that even the most insignificant thing becomes side-splittingly ridiculous. You think it’s all over as the noise dies down and you let out a quivering ‘Ahhhhh’ sigh, until you look at the person you are sharing a hoot with. Let round two begin.
Trying not to laugh laugh – Witnessing someone trip over or trying to draw a penis on someone else’s face as they sleep, there are just some times that you’re not supposed to or are refraining from giggling. These times are pleasure spiked with pain; as snorts are inevitable, the whole body shake takes over, and you double over as you try to stifle any noise whatsoever.
Fake laugh turns to real laugh – The classy fake laugh is so funny that it spreads like Chlamydia on a university campus.
A combination of two or more of the above, usually leads to an explosive laugh-gasm. And once you have a good hoot, you always want more.
After discussing this blog at lunch today with family, we started to chuckle. It turns out that I have a few more idiosyncrasies when it comes to my impressive array of laughter. Apparently ‘the donkey’ makes an appearance, along with the random clap, and sometimes I suck up air like a vacuum cleaner ready to belt out a new noise. As I was in the throes of a mid-snort, I looked down to also notice my arms in a T-Rex formation.
So who wants to have lunch with me? If you’re lucky, I might let out a donkey snort, coupled with a public viewing of my tonsils and clapping T-Rex arms.