My Secret Shames – The Alter-Ego Speaks

Oh banana splits, I’ve decided to lift the lid on my secret shames, my guilty pleasures, my isms that make me flip flop flism! Embarrassing, I know. I think my life is generally embarrassing sometimes, which makes it highly amusing to myself. I’m going to pretend that this is anonymous and I have a fantastic nom de plume like Berry-Sweet Cupcake. She sounds like she would be far too fabulous to go red in the face!

Scoffing back junk food, so that I don’t have to deal with it. Chips, chocolates, biscuits… if they ever fall victim into my mitts, they haven’t got a long life expectancy.

Leaving the door open while I’m using the bathroom (when nobody else is at home). I really just can’t be bothered and I think the rest of the house would really like to hear my singing. Seriously.

Scrolling through stranger’s wedding albums online. They make me burst with ultra-happiness at how much in love the couples are. Beautiful, happy people.

Occasionally I accidentally stare at man crotches in public, without even realising it. Then I catch myself out and my thinking voice yells ‘Eye slut!’

Walking around the house in a fab dress and a cute pair of heels for no particular reason, just because. I swear my wardrobe yells out “Hey, you! Try this on for the hell of it.” I succumb to the power of the wardrobe (I do have a severe case of rubber arm), and waltz around with a bit of style for a while.

Or wearing not much at all, i.e. my birthday suit (when I’m home alone), just because. Sometimes I don’t even close the curtains (eek, did I type that out loud!?), when I’m scooting to stealthly grab something from another room.

Daydreaming about being romantically swept off my feet, like a hideously over the top love story. Sappy… yes, but I am a sucker for a love story. I’m everything short of drooling over hearing how romantically (or unromantically), couples get together. Tales of love fate is definitely what I like served up on my plate.

Watching Shortland Street while I’m in bed, ready to head off to the Land of Nod.

Licking the cake/cupcake/cookie bowls, beater, spoon and spatula clean after I have been baking. That batter seriously just gets everywhere; clothes, face, back of arms, hair. Must be my animal instinct – survival of the bakerest.

Spooning Nutella into my mouth, straight from the jar. I actually look around sneakily to see if anyone is watching (even when nobody is home), hunch over it like Smeagol, spoon it into my mouth, let it melt in my mouth, smile out loud, feel guilty, then dig in again. Pretty much until I choke and vow never to eat Nutella again.

I used to eat in the shower; lines of chocolate, tubs of yoghurt, cups of tea, a burger with a wine… I did it because it was just so naughty and it made me laugh at myself. The cockroaches in the drain are probably not happy that that phase is over.

I have a soft toy on my bed. It is Sully from Monsters Inc. Sully was a Christmas gift from Mr T, so sometimes Sully sneaks into my arms when I fall asleep. When I wake up, he is staring at me from the floor. He’s still smiling at me.

Oh Berry-Sweet, you are deliciously a haughty naughty! I bet you thought of these without even flinching, firmly etching into the blog post. NJ on the other hand is starting to cringe slightly.

I can’t seriously be the only one with ‘secret shames’ or ‘guilty pleasures’, what are yours?

About stuffnjsays

I'm NJ, and my life motto is to maintain happiness and be true to myself. I love to write, travel, laugh out loud, and be awesome! I believe in making my dreams come true, and using my life experiences to help other people. Check out what I'm up to, here: stuffnjsays.com
This entry was posted in awkwardness, humor, humour, life, Randomness and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to My Secret Shames – The Alter-Ego Speaks

  1. haha these were all very funny, true or not. and I’ll admit I do some of those as well such as sleeping with a soft plush dog, and scrolling through other peoples pictures admiring how cute they are as a couple =)

Take your shoes off, have a cuppa tea & leave your comment here:

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s