Dear Lovely You,
If your family and friends were to describe you in positive attributes, what would they write or say?
If this question made you balk, cringe, shudder, cry or tell yourself that there is nothing good about you, then we need to talk! Because guess what, contrary to what you may think there are a huge amount of absolutely, fantabulously, great things about you!
I battled with this issue of not feeling good enough or worthy for the world. I told myself some horrible things and then I believed them…. because you are supposed to believe yourself, right? Mr T had been telling me for years how great and wonderful I was, every single day, but it just went in one ear and out the other. After my brother’s passing last year, I felt pretty low and knew that I had to make a concerted effort to heighten my self-esteem and boy did I work hard! Gosh I can be so mean to me!
It affected my confidence and how I projected myself to the world, at times in public I would become quiet, almost cowering when talking to shop assistants and that is totally not the extrovert me! My soul was clearly battered and that’s what I think is a big problem in general – low self-esteem. How many times have you brushed off compliments, not believing them to be true or told yourself that you look hideous, or felt like shit because you are having a ‘fat day’, or taken things to heart instead of flipping them sunny-side up? Ugh, it’s such a vicious soul-eroding cycle.
So last year I made a conscious stand to start loving me for me. I began by looking in the mirror and smiling. My eyes would instantly avert, but soon I started smiling harder and louder and telling myself that “I’m worth it.” I’d even crack a laugh and see how beautiful it was to laugh at me being fabulous which lead to smiling at me being beautiful. Any ugly thoughts that would creep in the back door, I pushed back and locked out. Soon enough, they stopped knocking.
Words I hated being labelled as like ‘weird’ and ‘widow’ got the rug pulled out from under them. ‘Weird’ turned into ’unique’ or ‘one-of-a-kind’, and ‘widow’ evolved into ‘strong woman’. I’m not a fan of being judged or catergorised for being authentically me, which I’m sure that nobody really is. So giving those adjectives positive connotations has helped my outlook to pick up and wear some rose-tinted glasses.
Write lovely notes to yourself, where you can easily find and read them. Make your favourite quotes accessible. Walk tall, knowing that you are fabulous (even better if you wear a scarf, scarves make you sashay and sashaying oozes confidence). Pay other people genuine compliments or send your friends and family heart-felt and personalised messages (not in hope that you’ll get one back, but more to make someone else feel good. This intrinsic motivation has a serious domino effect of positivity!). Smile; at your flatmates, at strangers walking down the street, at the dog with his head out the car window with lips and drool rippling in the breeze. Wear something that you love and know you look good in, but tend to reserve for special occasions – every day is a special occasion! Be nice and polite to everyone around you including yourself. Put the negative thoughts in a little box and float them down the river, or in a bubble and blow them away. Treat yourself as you would your best friend.
And when you are ready, write your list of awesome things about you. If 10 is too hard, go for 5. If you can’t stop writing, kudos to you!
Here’s my list:
. positive . funny . kooky . strong . creative . honest . inspiring . happy . awesome . fun .
Talk about selling yourself, to yourself – Got to look after number one aye, because if you’re not then it’s really hard to look after anyone else.
So next time you are in the pit of self-pity over not being pretty, pretend you’re a dude and kick yourself in the balls! You do realise that no guy would voluntarily kick themselves in the crown jewels (right, guys?!), so why beat yourself up. Seriously!
You have been gifted the awesomeness of you from head to toe, inside and out. Go out and be the best you that you can be. Smile in the mirror and watch it smile back at you!
Love, NJ x