I Should not be in Charge of Feeding Myself

I’ve decided that sometimes I am a disgusting creature. Yesterday I went to the supermarket on an empty stomach (at dinner time), and with a craving for a small pottle of chocolate mousse. I came back with 2x large Bavarian pies, 1x white chocolate bar and 1x pack of gum. The chocolate bar didn’t make it home. Actually it didn’t even make it across the car park. Before I went, I had a spoonful of Marshmallow Fluff, straight from the jar.

Last Saturday I was hungover to buggery. My stomach exorcised the demons of breakfast cereal with almond milk and blueberries (nothing to do with the champagne the night before, honest). On the way to a baby shower I devoured 2x McD’s cheeseburgers with mayo while driving. I shouldn’t eat and turn corners and indicate; there was mayo and sauce all over steering wheel and my gammy claw hands while driving. Not a drop on my dress. Licking the steering wheel not advised, tastes like ugh. I washed this down with a small full strength coke. The aeration made way for a tortilla chip that I attempted, disgusting broccoli potato pea mash that I had to guess the flavour of, 2x teeny Whittaker’s tablets and a melting moment with a cup of tea. It was veering severely toward a two cups of tea kind of day.

Someone should’ve put me to bed, even if it was in the yet-to-be-born’s cot overstuffed with gifts – snuggly. Instead, after baby shower I drove to KFC. I took the McD’s trash that was stinking out my car and put it in the bin just before opening the doors to the Colonel’s welcoming 11 secret herbs and spices arms. I ordered a 2 piece quarter pack, upsized with extra seasoning on the chips (always with the extra seasoning). I drove that packet of greasy breast and thigh to my house then proceeded to pick, dip, chew, munch, slurp and generally nom nom nom that meal until I could nom nom nom no more. By midnight I was clasping my stomach and running to the bathroom… nothing like some savoury takeaways to clear your pipes and render you nauseous for the next week.

So today’s mousse inspired grocery dash may come as a surprise – but I just felt like it dammit. What I did not feel like was the clouded judgment of my brain due to lack of sensible eating oxygen particles whizzing up to my brain, and there was a 2 for the amazingly reduced price of x special on the Bavarians which I compromised on with myself because there was no chocolate mousse in sight. I’m just helping rebuild my stomach to its original before Saturday night’s episode of involuntarily cleaning out my inner closet.

I swear to the ancient Egyptian cat gods that I am in fact healthy 99.9999999999% of the time (uber exaggeration to make Self feel better), and do drink 8 glasses of water straight, per day. But here it was, a mere slip up riding on the back of another slip up from the first slip up – too much wine.

Please tell me that I’m not the only disgusting creature out there…..?*


*Cue the awkward silence, crickets chirping extra loudly and heads shaking.

About stuffnjsays

I'm NJ, and my life motto is to maintain happiness and be true to myself. I love to write, travel, laugh out loud, and be awesome! I believe in making my dreams come true, and using my life experiences to help other people. Check out what I'm up to, here: stuffnjsays.com
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2 Responses to I Should not be in Charge of Feeding Myself

  1. mrghuxley says:

    Don’t worry, I’m just as disgusting. Perhaps more, actually. I’m willing to duel…

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