I had the art of excuses down to a tee. When I was big, I used asthma as an excuse not to exercise. The not breathing and heavy chest thing was actually my lungs trying to yell ‘Wohoo baby! We’re working it uh huh!’ When I couldn’t be bothered to get off my arse to do something, or thought I wasn’t good enough, an excuse would jump out. All the ‘I can’ts because…’ and the ‘buts….’ (But is only good as butter on a cob of corn, in a pair of skinny jeans with some skyscraper heels or for a lead into a positive outcome).
It’s too hard.
It wasn’t me…
I can’t because… (I’m trying to think of a long-winded but legitimate sounding reason).
My dog ate it.
What was the real root of it all? I didn’t want to exercise because I was too comfortably lazy being overweight. I didn’t want to be in photos because I didn’t want to acknowledge that I was overweight. I didn’t want to solve the root of my problems gnawing away at my brain like a flesh-eating virus, so I’d switch off and it would internalise making me sad. At times, I had sabotaged myself for being a real true and authentic me.
Given my current situation, I am determined not to victimise myself and use the death of my husband and brother as excuses. I’d rather use it as a propeller to let me power forward and be the awesomest that I can be. I think it’s important to call out those excuses, pull them aside and give them a good talking to. Naming them openly makes them feel so ashamed, that they will pack their bags and leave. The feeling is amazing, like the time you weren’t up to going for that walk, but you do anyway, coming away feeling so much better for it.
So excuse me excuses, but I’m not going to take you anymore. I’m happy to go forth and rocket-launch you into outer space so that you cannot possibly gravitate back towards me. Take that and Kapow!
The Key to life is running and reading. Why running? When you’re out running there’s a little person that talks to you and that little person says ‘oh, I’m tired. My lung’s about to pop. I’m so hurt. I’m so tired. There’s no way I can possibly continue.’ And you wanna quit, right? That person, if you can learn how to defeat that person when you’re running, you will learn how not to quit when things get hard in your life. Running, that’s the first key to life.