On the cusp of five years ago I thought I’d never travel again. I thought I’d be curled up in a ball as tight as I could; not letting any light in and wanting the world to swallow me whole. I believed that my existence would be a shell of myself, just managing to breathe and eat. I could not imagine the place that I am in today, because nigh on five years ago my husband’s life was taken. And I guess in a sense, so was mine.
To be honest, I can’t believe how far I’ve come and what I have learned along the way. I wonder if it’s actually me, or someone else. But someone else wouldn’t wear a candyfloss pink tutu on her birthday, because she’d turned thirty-tutu. Here’s some stuff I’ve learned in the past 4 ¾ years.
Never ever give up, as hard as it may seem at the time. There is always a choice, but you ultimately have to make that decision yourself.
You are not immune to bad s*^# happening if you’ve experienced one horrendous thing. It is what it is and it cannot be changed, even if it is as hard as f*&^ery to accept. The more you think about the what ifs, whys and why me’s?, the more you’ll screw yourself over. And you don’t really want to be spending your precious life, screwing yourself over.
Grieving comes in many shapes and forms. There is no right or wrong way to do it, nor a set length of time, and there shouldn’t be; you are essentially learning how to cope and adjust to a different way of life.
No matter how small you feel, you are never alone.
Be kind to yourself, because you are worth it.
Be grateful for what you have; life is a beautiful thing and you are blessed to be here.
Enjoy moments; a hug, a sunset, an uncontrollable laugh. You are creating memories that you’ll be proud to call your own.
For the most part, you are in charge of your own happiness. You can change your thinking patterns. Optimism breeds happiness and will help deflect pessimism; negativity will weigh on your soul. I’ve scraped myself up from the bottom of the barrel and faked it until I’ve made it… a lot.
Don’t be afraid to be you.
I don’t mind being wrong, it means I’m learning something.
Life lessons drop by in the most mysterious ways.
There are opportunities everywhere.
For all of the stuff I’ve been through, I really like being here. There are ebbs and flows. The path I walk is different to yours and that is a beautiful thing. We are all precious beings on our own journeys, taking one step at a time.