The cycle of life rounds, as the wheel with that little tar smothered stone is sharply wedged, scratching against the road once more. No matter how large the arc, things seem to come around again.
It was Christmastime.
It was New Year’s.
It was summertime…
And I was a little depressed.
This pissed me off because I thought that I had dealt with that, depression, many moons ago. Funny what sneaks up on you, taps you on the shoulder, and then punches you in the face. In essence: a loss of the freedom that a nomadic travelling lifestyle brings, still searching for employment to fund my life, memories of loved ones lost that felt as though they were slipping between the cracks in my fingers; my mind was competing for a lot of things and inner happiness bore the brunt of this. I was overwhelmed and out of whack.
So I stopped writing; too busy, too sad, too sensitive, too uninspired, too many blogs too catch up on from half a year ago. I’m still stuck in Spain.
When you’re feeling low, the little things seem instrumentally big. Everyday tasks are at the top of a mountain, somewhere in the clouds. Snappiness, unreasonableness, and negativity have suddenly become your best friends; hanging around at the school canteen asking for your leftover change, ceding, just to be in their company.
When you’re down, it feels like there are no ups; that life just won’t give you a break.
It didn’t stick around for too long, those unwanted friends. I know far better than to hang out with that crowd. It is hard work peeling your squashed self out of one of those ruts, but it is entirely possible. It can be done. For me: exercise, good food choices, doing things that will make me enjoy, smile, and laugh, telling me that ‘I am worth it!’ all help. Even if it doesn’t feel like it to begin with, it has gotten me to where I am now – back on my track of intrinsic happiness.
The sadness of Christmas has passed. I had an amazing time recuperating at one of my favourite places, the beach. I don’t have a job, yet, but I still have a roof over my head and food in my belly. I know that the right role is out there, waiting for me crack into it with more than a sprinkling of awesomeness. And would you look at that, I’m back writing again!
It’s ok to take some time out and have a break once in a while. What feels truly instrumental and amazing, is leaping back into life once again!
Much love & Happy New Year, NJ x