There are some extraordinarily good days and there are some excruciatingly bad days. In between, there feels like a range from great, to ‘meh’, through to ‘climbing out of the wrong side of bed’, days. Once, at the tail-end of the latter, I had told my flatmate “Ugh… you do not want my life.”
He responded by turning to look at me with head tilted and brow pinched, like a questioning pug. I had let everything get to me; seeping into the knots in my shoulders, making them weary and filling my brain with thunderstorms.
I was right, there’s no way I’d want him to have my life… or anyone else for that matter. I wouldn’t wish that upon anybody; quite simply because it is mine, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Even though there have been a lot of bed-ridden times lost in the swirling sheets of grief, and occasional showers of depression – It is still my life and if there was an opportunity to swap it, I can honestly say that I wouldn’t.
To exchange mine for the sake of having less scars carved into my heart would mean that I’m not grateful for the things that I have, the lessons that I’ve learnt, and the opportunity to open my eyes and say ‘Hello, world!’, each day.
It would mean throwing away the bouquet of pleasures that I enjoy and the memories that I relish. The warm banana fritters with wisps of steam rising through the sprinkled sugar crystals, lovingly made by Grandma. The parallel parking lessons from Dad; between two gallon-sized barrels, in a paddock on the farm. Holding hands with my older brother, whilst my feet were firmly planted on his dancing toes. Doubled-over in laughter at the time Nana had lost her false teeth, on the kitchen floor. Listening to the beginning notes of Redemption Song over and over again, as Mr T plucked Lucille’s strings serenely, from the back porch.
Once I drift off with the motes of dust swirling in the sunlight’s warmth, reminiscent, a smile grows across my face. No, I wouldn’t have it any other way. My unique life has helped carve out who I have become, and the woman that I proudly stand as, today. I am a survivor; filled with wanderlust, creativity, dreams, gratitude, and love.
Would you change your life?